Why Education?

So, there comes a point in your life when you have to choose what you want to do with it. My story of choosing to pursue a degree in education is a little interesting and was a rather sacred experience. So I'll share the important parts and perhaps skip over some of the more personal details...we'll see.

I began taking piano lessons when I was 8 years old. I was so excited. I went home from my first lesson and memorized my entire assigned material that first night. When I was in the 5th grade, my elementary school had a "beginning band," if you could call 6 people a band. My grandpa lent me his flute to play and so I had fun playing that for a couple of months. But when I entered the 6th grade and signed up for beginning band, I was more interested in the loud, shiny, brass instruments that I had seen my brothers bring home to play. So I chose the French horn, originally because I knew my parents didn't have to buy one, I could just borrow it from the school. I wanted to save my parents some big bucks, but little did I know that they would buy me an amazing French horn 3 years later... Different story. Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that I played the piano and the French horn all through junior high and high school. I thought I was pretty good and I thought I could make a decent music major when I graduated high school and went on to college.

It wasn't until the last semester of my senior year when I began having doubts and real concern about what I wanted to do with my life. Until this point, I had always planned on pursuing music so I was really confused. I guess I just came to a point where I realized I wasn't as good as I thought I was. I knew I didn't practice enough to be good enough. And I just didn't want to spend my time practicing. The real turning point was when I went to my final French horn lesson. I had been taking lessons on and off for a few years with a great teacher who will remain anonymous (but he's sure great in the Utah Symphony!). I think it was sometime in May, just a month before graduation. Maybe earlier, I can't quite remember. I pulled out my horn to warm up and then began playing the solo I was "working" on. I hadn't been practicing, and I wasn't prepared for the rigor of Richard Strauss. I botched the intro. I tried again, still unsuccessful. I attempted a third time as I felt the tears begin to well up as a sign of my embarrassment. My teacher, very kindly, told me to put my horn back in the case. He said, "We're not going to have a horn lesson today." And instead, a great life lesson took its place.

As I sat there, 18 years old, talking about my life with my horn teacher, I realized then that music was and always would be a part of who I am, but it wasn't quite right for me to pursue. I left my lesson and broke down and cried as I made the 30 minute drive home. All I remember saying to myself in a pathetic voice is "What am I supposed to do?" And this is where my story becomes very personal and intimate, and I ask my readers (if you exist) to please treat this with sensitivity. So, as I'm questioning out loud to myself, crying and confused, a clear yet quiet thought entered my mind. A simple thought: What about Elementary Education? And without hesitation I said out loud, "Yeah, that sounds nice."

As I reflect on this almost 3 years after the event, I can't help thinking, "That was really ok with you? No questions asked? You just went with it?" And I have to honestly say, yeah. I did. It just felt right and it has ever since.

And so here I am! Getting a degree in Elementary Education. When I first started school I was a little panicky and shocked that I had made the decision so quickly. Don't these things take time to figure out? Aren't you supposed to take a couple classes before really deciding on a major? So I looked at other options. Special Education, Communication Disorders, Deaf Education, Secondary Education, Family and Consumer Science, Etc. There were so many options, how was I to be sure that Elementary Ed. really was the right thing for me? But as I looked at other options I began to feel an incredible sense of overwhelming panic. And it was only when I took a step back and reminded myself of Elementary Education that I really felt peace with myself. I was calm. It felt right. And it still does.

Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to survive being a teacher with all the horror stories I hear. Sometimes the lesson plans and the ideas of classroom management become overwhelming. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a major with nothing but a bunch of ditsy girls who are just trying to get "an easy degree" so they can become a great mom or something. (That statement isn't really true...but sometimes it feels that way). But then I'm reminded of my quiet experience in May of 2009 when my decision felt right and I felt like my life finally had a noble a purpose. And that motivates me to do and be my very best. Not only for myself, but for my family. Someday for my own children. And especially for all of the children that will walk through my classroom door someday. I want to do and be my very best for them.